..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
