We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The feeling are messing with the penis
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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