You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
