Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
