i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
