wanna go halves on a baby?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
