I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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