My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize