I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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