Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
