Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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