she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
