U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
