don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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