my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
