What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
