you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
