Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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