Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just had sex on a roof
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
