last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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