is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
