I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That accounts for only three of the penises
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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