dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it glows. i had to have it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
