I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
