Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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