last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
