i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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