dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
