Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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