Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
tell me about the eggs
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