So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So squirting runs in the family.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
