Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
