I wish I could teleport
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
