I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
