you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
