hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
