Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
whose parrot is this?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
