He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you had me at cake vodka
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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