I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
