I checked into jail on foursquare
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
