I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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