I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
