Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
