marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
