He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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