kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
