i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
