Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
