i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
