i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
