You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
