My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
