i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hippo gnu deer
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
