you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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