Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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