Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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