I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
