I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
