I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
