1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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