I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
