We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
