New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
