I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Panties = found
Randomize
