Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
