the condom got lost in my hair
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize