I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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