Cold hands, warm shart.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
