Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
