I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize