Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
