I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize