Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
